I need to find a way to get out of this funk. I walk into the gym and just dread the warm up. I can prepare for the WOD ahead of time but not knowing the warm up and then hearing that I have to do all those moves I can't do just sends me over the edge.
I had no freaking idea how to do a squat jump this morning. Never even heard of it before this morning. I tried to think about it and figure it out in my head but trying to do it just confused me. The coach has no clue no matter how many times I tell him what that does to me and then begins the frustration for me and him. I shut down after that.
I went in with the mindset to be focused and do what I could. I stretched before the WOD and did some jump ropes to get my legs moving thinking I was doing all the right things. Only to just let my mind get all clouded over all over again and shut down.
We've had nothing but partner WOD's on Sat. lately and it's getting on my last nerve. What happens when someone isn't there that's not around the same level as me? It's not fair to pair me up with someone who is athletic and I'm not able to keep up with them. I get scared that is going to happen and I feel a panic attack coming on when I think about it. Asking to do the WOD on my own will
more than likely get me nowhere.
I spent some time talking with someone after the WOD about how I'm feeling and now to know that some of the things I'm feeling is what 2 others are feeling makes me feel a little better. We're just frustrated with lack of weight loss and the movements we are allowed to do. We just want our coach to understand why we feel the way we do. He doesn't have to agree with us but just have some compassion once in a while.
I understand the coach prefers those who are athletic and can compete in competitions but he has people in the gym that aren't. So why not help us to learn different things even if it is only 1 thing a month to work on. We're watching new people come in and learn all the advanced stuff and told things they can work on. What about those of us that have been there for a while?
I'm so tired of seeing the goals on the board and they're only for the athletic people. What about those of us that are years from achieving those goals. I mentioned one time about having a different set of goals for those of us that will never see the goals he has listed but I got disregarded. We work hard too. I have no desire to do 100 burpees in 7 minutes because that goal isn't even achievable for me at this time. So what is wrong with having a scaled version of goals??? At least give us a light at the end of the tunnel. I made my own goals up and pretty much got ignored. Why can't I work on 50 burpees in 7 minutes and then work from there and eventually work my way up to 100 burpees in 7 minutes? If I could ever find something this coach can't do and show him how we feel it might help. But he seems to be good at everything he does.
I did figure out I'm still pissed off about being scaled a few weeks ago. I want to do that WOD over where I was a given a PVC pipe and use a bar instead. I don't think it was right that I had to use a PVC pipe and I know the coach doesn't care what I think about it. I know I have to do what is told to me but I also believe I should have some input. Other people whine about having to do stuff and he takes it in stride but when it comes to me I catch hell. But how embarrassing that newbies got to use a bar and I had to use a PVC pipe!!! I think on Monday morning I just need to go in and start working on overhead squats. I'll probably get told to do something else but I can at least try. I wonder if I were to do them on the bench where the partition comes in and use that as my guide not to fall backwards or just stack some boxes up and then put a smaller one in front of it and try it that way if that would work?
I have to admit I've had a few drinks while writing this so I'll probably edit in the morning. I don't hate my coach. I hate myself for getting this frustrated. It's just sometimes I feel like he doesn't push me to do what I can and more and then I get frustrated. When he's pushing me to do more and do better is when I'm the best at trying to achieve my goals. I know it's wrong but I feed off his mood and if he's not wanting to work with me then I don't want to work as hard. I really do have good coaches. I just need to get out of this funk I've been in this past month.
I know I'm close to my breaking point as I feel it. I'm just hoping when I get to that point I'm not in the gym. I know how I am and this coach hates tears and those will come along with a lot of feelings. I need to learn to keep all that in check and hidden away until I get in my car.
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