So Tough!

I went into tonight's WOD scared out of my mind and basically dragging me heels but the folks I talk to at work said GO!  See, I really don't like team efforts so to speak.  Support and encouragement is great but having to do my workout with someone else is more than intimidating because I'm not on the same level as others.  I don't ever want to hold someone else back and that's what I feel like I would do.  Luckily, there were only 3 of us and we got to do them on our own instead of like the earlier class who had to pair up. 

So there I was scared out of my mind once again.  But I said just suck it up and do what I can. 

A few new things were encountered. 

The push ups are really working my arms.  I guess I'm doing those right as I don't hear anything from the trainers.  I hope that's a good thing. 

I tried to do a new version of the pull up by swinging but that didn't happen.  I think once I work the tightness out of my knee though I want to try that again.  I think I'm getting better at standing on that box for pull ups and not hesitating as much.  Not sure, but it seemed like it to me.  Just hate heights but really trying to overcome that one. 

Then there was the box jumps yet again which my version is jumping onto a weight that may be at the most 2 inches high if that.  I think I might have succeeded once. 

I don't know if I worked my way up on the kettle ball but I used the 26lb.  It worked me and I was glad I got what seemed heavier than before. 

Sit ups aren't too bad.  But they sure as heck work you. 

Then there was the long jump to jump as far as I could.  I didn't jump far but I jumped farther than I ever have I think.  But the more I did it the more I felt some confidence coming to me.  I think I need to practice these and get the confidence to start jumping onto the weights. 

Then there were the good mornings but for the first time I used a weight.  I really need to have my hair on top of my head instead of a pony tail for this one.  Holding a 25lb. weight on the top part of back to my neck gets extremely heavy.  It was kind of funny trying to figure out how to get it off my back too. 

Then there were the air squats.  Jessica doesn't let me use a box whereas Jim does.  I see both of their points on this. 

Not so sure about those mountain climbs but I was so tired by then I have no idea how I did. 

But those freakin' jump ropes are on the list of some of the worst.  I used to be able to jump rope as a kid but these wiry things they use these days are just the worst things in the world for someone like me.  Honestly, I don't know if I made it to 50 I just know I was counting but to be truthful I probably did about 40.  Between the humiliation and embarrassment of not being able to do them I really don't know what numbers I was counting.  I was so overcome with emotion and negative energy at that point I just lost track. 

But I think I ended it on a positive note and had to run 200 meters and I actually jogged an entire 100 meters which for me hasn't been done before.  I've been pushing myself to jog farther and farther and not stopping and to make it to 100 meters made me feel like I accomplished something. 

Yes, I'm glad I went!  Am tired of the emotional roller coaster though.  I just want to be able to do the freakin' exercises. 

On another note I think my eyes were really opened tonight having 2 coaches in the room.  While 1  was the one doing the workout I somehow saw how similar and different they both are at coaching.  I knew this but to see them in the same room together just made me really see it.  Whereas 1 coach is tougher, the other one pushes too.  I don't know why I haven't seen it like this before.  I'm really glad they're so different and similar as it just seemed to give me a feel of balance with the two.  Yesterday, when 1 coach was trying to teach me squat cleans I told him he had the PVC pipe too close to me and he told me very directly he did not.  I wanted to say well "the girls" are also in my way.  I'll have to admit my coworkers laughed about it.  And we all know me well enough to know that I will slip and my inner voice will speak out loud sometime when I least expect it to.  I just hope those around just laugh.  But after 4 years of working with some folks it's easier to say some things that you can't to those you just met barely 2 months ago. 

And it was nice to have 1 of the coaches come run the 200 meters with me.  I will keep trying and I will keep pushing.  I'm not giving up and I sure hope my coaches don't give up on me either.  And she made me remember my saying: 

I am my own worst enemy but I also need to be own best friend!!!