Frustration, Disappointment and a Little Glimmer of Confidence

I wasn't looking forward to today's workout.  The warm up was harder than the WOD. 

For once I was glad to see runs in it.  But I wasn't glad to see walking lunges.  I've only tried those once before and I suck at them.  I don't even think I attempted the 20 I was supposed to.  Getting down on one knee and getting back up???  I just went back out for my next run and told him they sucked.  The coach's response was I have to do them more.  I definitely got the impression he was not happy with that.  But even more so I wasn't happy I gave up.  The push ups and sit ups I thought I did okay.  More on the push ups below...

I ended up doing push ups instead of the pull ups.  I had already figured I would end up doing something other than what was posted as there just isn't enough room for everyone to do pull ups at once.  I thought I was doing my push ups right but by the time I was almost done I was told I wasn't.  Now that caught me off guard because I thought all I had to do was get my chest and knees off the floor and get my arms straight.  I was told my knees were barely coming off the floor.  I really don't understand what I'm doing wrong.  Needless to say, I'm frustrated.  Here, I thought I was doing okay with something and to find out I'm not...  Today wasn't the day to ask for help though.  Too much other stuff going on and since it wasn't the prescribed work out I just didn't want to ask.  But it bothers me.  Maybe they'll come back up in another workout soon and I can ask for help.  It's also hard when one coach says you can use your knees and another says no.  Most of the time I'm good with the different styles but I really do want to do things right.  I just have to shake today off. 

So after the WOD  was done and I cooled down I decided to see how far I could get on a run.  I got to about 150 meters without stopping.  I then walked the 800 meters as I've never done that before.  I ran what I could in intervals.  I needed that alone time to think. 

I came back in and decided to work on some squats since others were doing weights.  I got the band out and my friend the box.  I think I did some okay but I'm still bad about not staying on my heels and plopping down on the box instead of just touching the box and going right back up.  Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get the hang of these.  I'm beyond frustrated with these. 

Then I worked on box jumps with a weight.  I wanted the confidence that I could still jump.  I did 25 in a row and it was the one thing that made me feel a little confidence today.  I'm going to use 2 weights next time I do them. 

So today, was full of frustration, disappointment and a little glimmer of confidence getting thrown in there.  I'm going to have to shake this off by Monday and do better.  Right now, I'm not feeling it but I will come Monday. 

After talking with one of the gals last night I got my nerve up to ask one of the coaches if she would mind measuring me.  It is so hard for me to do it on my own as the tape measure gets twisted and I don't even know if I'm measuring in the right places.  I've been trying and I just don't know how accurate I am.  To my surprise the coach I asked said yes.  I had no idea if she would even accommodate my request.  There was no way I was asking either of the male coaches.  I don't care if they have access to the measurements.  I just feel like this helps me to be more accountable.  If I could do this on my own I wouldn't be in the gym.  I need help on this journey.  And this is one journey that has taken me for a ride as I had no idea not only how physical it would be but how mental it is.  One day I'm happy about my accomplishments and the next day I'm frustrated because I still can't master things like squats after 3 months.  WOW is all I can say!