No WOD today! I needed a break and I really needed to put a little more balance back in my life and attend shul. So glad I made the right choice. I needed that time to sort out some things going on in my head.
Lately, I've been thinking about what I've accomplished in the 3 months at CF. I've improved my health more than I ever have with anything I've tried. But what scares me is I've always lasted about 3 months when it comes to exercise or any nutrition program whether it be Weight Watchers, a 1200 calorie diet, a regular gym or any of the countless others. And then after a few months I've given up and end up putting my weight back on. For the first time I don't want to stop. I feel like if I do take a day off that day will turn into 2 and then 3 and so on. I found myself getting scared of that same pattern happening again.
So I did the one thing that always brings me peace and turned to my faith. I've never lost my faith on this journey but with things slowing down at shul due to this time of year I haven't gone in a month. I needed to walk back thru those doors as it's the one place I can put things into perspective.
One of the midrashes was about fear and how to deal with it because it can end up where there is no finality or happily ever after. Which brought me to thinking about my fear of giving up. If I never deal with that fear there will never be a happy ending. So how do I find that balance of working out and taking a day off when I need it? I'm just going to have to rely on G-d for this one. Just as my heart tugged at me to go to shul this morning I hope he also tugs at my heart to get myself back into the gym after taking a day off when needed.
I don't want to give up! I see a glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel and know in my heart it will only get bigger and brighter if I stay on this path. But sometimes I just get scared!
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