Total Confusion!!!

I have to find a way to get through these hurdles.  I've gone from being frustrated to feeling not challenged at all.  Somehow mentally I need to figure out how to get through these moments without wanting to throw something across the room.  It's not going to do any good to cherry pick the WOD's but it always seems to go from one extreme to the other. 

Front Squat
5set x 2rep 90%
85lbs.


2007
Row 1 K

Five rounds of:
25 Pull-ups
7 Push Jerks (55lbs)

Time: 19:39

I have no idea how I did on the front squats other than the obvious that I don't squat low enough.  Have no idea if I even did any better with the squats.  All I can say is I know I was making an effort to go lower. 

I hate rowing.  Just not challenging.  I almost jacked up the number from 7 to 10.  It's exhausting but I just don't like it. 

The jumping pull ups were just that.  Those are the most boring things in the world to do. 

Push Jerks didn't challenge me at all.  55lbs. might as well have been like picking up my purse. 

I walked out of the gym tonight being very confused.  I went from frustration and aggravation to not feeling challenged.  I decided I would let the coach know how I was feeling.  Not sure if that was the right decision or not but I just felt like I needed to say something.  I know I have to make the changes especially mentally and I am the only one who can get me out of my frustration.  I'm going to have to learn to speak up and be more assertive.

It's just so hard to want to accomplish so many of these exercises in the WOD's and when I can't I get so mad at myself and the frustration sets in.  Then I felt like I was sandbagging the WOD tonight.  And it didn't help that folks are always telling me I'm strong especially with my arms and then the coach puts light weights on my bar.  REALLY???  Makes me want to not listen to the coaches when it comes to putting weights on my bar.  But I know that's not right because they know best.  I don't know what the coach was thinking tonight for giving me such light weights.  I don't normally pay attention to what others have on the board but I did tonight and I really feel slighted that right now I'm not even posting on the whiteboard.   

So I debated about posting this blog as I don't know who if anyone reads this.  I'm not trying to talk negatively about anyone.  I'm just working out my feelings so I can keep moving forward and get rid of this frustration.  But sometimes it's hard for me when the coach that I'm used to pushing me the hardest doesn't push me at all.  I think writing all this out and finally saying that is what is really bothering me.  I wish I was a self motivated person but I'm not.  I do need to learn to do more on my own and just take a chance in that gym and risk getting fussed at for trying to do too much instead of not enough.  I really do like all my coaches and they are all awesome.  I just didn't have a good day but tomorrow will be better and hope if any of my coaches do read this they understand I really do want this lifestyle change and I want the benefits of being able to do these exercises and do them right to the best of my capabilities.