Seriously, these roller coaster of emotions need to go away! My head wants one thing and my heart wants another. I want this healthy lifestyle change more than anything in this world but my head wants it yesterday whereas I know reality is it will take time. It's just so hard being so far behind everyone else in finishing. I don't like being scaled back but I do understand why when I am. Tonight hit me hard when I saw everyone else cleaning things up and putting things away. I was barely into my last round. I went right back to how I felt out there all alone during the 5K and if I hadn't had the police escort I probably would have just walked home and said the hell with it as I didn't think anybody was going to be at the finish line when I got there. I just wanted to stop in the middle of that round and just quit. But the part of me that really wants this healthy lifestyle said NO!!! I remembered there were people at the finish line of that 5K when I did get there. And that's the part I need to listen to.
I got so mad at the jump ropes that I finally said the hell with it and started jumping in place. Glad the coach was okay with that. He sees my frustration and tells me not to get frustrated. I know I slung that jump rope down.
The sit ups were okay just work the hell out of me.
The medicine balls can all go fall off a cliff! Those are so hard to do something called a medicine ball clean or whatever that was I tried to do and have no idea if I ever did one correctly. Those are just a bitch!
The pull ups are hard but I think I'm getting a little better at them. I just need to bend my knees more and get more lift on my pull up.
The push ups are okay but I know I didn't give it my all and stayed on my knees but I did make sure I got my arms straight and lifted my chest off the floor.
So by the time I was done it was over 41 minutes later (about 10 minutes later than everyone else). I just laid on the floor. One of the gals was so awesome in helping me along and then massaged my back. Next thing I know, my coach is on the floor in front of me. By this time I was trying not to be in tears but it was so hard not to be because I was so frustrated and I just felt all alone even though I had people around me. Of course he knew it and talked to me. Gave me some encouragement and support and told me not to beat myself up over it. Easier said than done. I finally got up and just sat on the bench and watched with a few others as the coach did the WOD.
I'm not giving up! That all alone feeling just hit me out of nowhere. I just was not expecting that emotion.
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