WTH???

So WTH is going on in my head???  I am so freakin' tired of my fears getting in the way.  I have got to find a way to get over it.  I was more than mad at myself today.  I didn't even complete everything in the WOD.  I'm not hurting anyone but myself when I do that.  This entire week has been so tough.  I know it's not going to get any easier but I have to master these squats. 

Yesterday, I went thru some things and found some rope and some bungee cords.  Today, I went outside and wrapped the rope around the tree and attached the bungee cord.  It's not the best of contraptions set up but I'm not accomplishing anything in my house using a stool to try to get low enough.  And since I was having to use a band at the gym I figure why not try a bungee cord.  It's not the greatest but it's working somewhat.  I have to keep making adjustments to it but my knees are bending.  I know I'm still not going low enough but I'm going to keep working at it between here and the gym.  I'm going to do this. 

This roller coaster of emotions has gotten the better of me and I can't have that.  After all, I'm not known for being the most sympathetic person in the world.  I have compassion but meltdowns are not my strength within myself.  I keep telling myself I can and will accomplish this as I have every other thing I've done in my life that was hard.  I looked back at my journal (to parts that aren't blogged about) when I converted and just pulled from that inner strength that I had to find because that was completely and totally on my own without any support network.  I do have a support network with this and I'm thankful but ultimately it's all my decision what I accomplish.  Nobody can do this for me.  I have to do this on my own.  Stay tuned...