In talking and thinking things through about last week I went back to a few conversations I've had.
The main question I come back to for myself is... How do I convince the coaches I really am trying and really want to do the exercises correctly?
It's hard when you feel like you've been tossed aside. Knowing I didn't do 1 medicine ball squat correctly and nothing being said to me made me not even want to try. After all, isn't that what I pay the coaches to help me with? Guide me, teach me and I've never once told any of them not to push me. In fact, I tell them the opposite... PUSH ME! I need to know if I'm doing it wrong but don't give up on me. I have a hard enough time telling myself I'm going to do this and get it right. At least give me some freakin' encouragement. So what if I do something a 100 times and you're tired of watching me. Hell, I'm the one doing the physical exercise not the coach. I'm the one that should be tired. But if I'm willing to keep trying then let me!
I'm not saying baby me and give into my pity because that won't get me anywhere. Heck, the tears I cried got me nowhere why would pity? So what if I get mad I might just get ticked off enough and do it right. They're supposed to be strong enough physically and mentally to take it. At least they say they are. And make sure when they are guiding me and teaching me that not everyone else is getting in the middle of it. It's okay for others to listen and watch in hopes of learning, hell I do that but I can only focus on 1 person teaching me. Too many people trying to tell me how to do something will always send this blonde in a whirlwind of confusion.
I know I try to find the humor in everything but it's also my way of trying to look on the bright side. But I do have a pissed off side of me that has yet to be seen. I really don't want to go there but I felt it coming on last Thursday and Friday. It takes a lot for me to snap and I felt myself get a little too close to that line last week.
Had it not been for one of the girls Thursday night who was more like a coach to me than the coach himself I probably would have snapped. If the coaches get frustrated with me they need to stop and remember I get frustrated with myself magnified by about a 100 times more than they do with me. I'm just not good at showing it in front of a bunch of people.
DISCLAIMER: I love all my coaches they are AWESOME! I'm just hoping all of this is just because several of us having bad days and they hit for all of us at once. I'm sure if I want to go off on them they feel that same way at times with me. I'm just trying to work through all of this and somehow and some way find a way to get better at all of this because I really do want to be healthy and in shape so I can go out and live all my dreams. After all, DREAMS CAN AND DO COME TRUE!!! So in the event any coaches/trainers (especially mine) read this please don't take it to heart. Just understand your students in your classes are showing up because they want more and want to get better. AT LEAST I DO!
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