Yesterday started out with a 5K run. I was more prepared for this one than the last one I did. I am glad I was prepared to be out there all by myself. I knew those that said they were staying back with me wouldn't which is why I kept repeating everyone go at their pace and not mine. I didn't want to set myself up to make things harder than I already knew they would be. Had I not been prepared for that it would've been that much harder mentally. I learned a long time ago most folks don't do what they say they're going to do.
I did know 1 person would come back for me and we had talked about it. Just to see her coming towards me meant so much to me and reminded me of the coach who came back for me for the first one. The others did come back for me eventually but that first one made all those emotions I went through for that run worth it. I do have to realize that running for all the others is a million times easier for them than it is me.
The group I went to this run with have no idea what it takes for me to sign up, show up and actually do the run. There is no way I can explain what I go through emotionally. I think there are only 2 people that can come close to understanding what I go through and 1 is the person who came back for me and the other is the main trainer/coach at CrossFit because those are the 2 that when I've talked to them about doing the 5K they listen and hear me and talk to me. It's not all hype with them and they do seem to understand how scared I get. Now the trainer/coach doesn't let me give in to my fears but he's honest and straightforward with me and doesn't sugar coat anything. Now, it's hard to hear sometimes (well all of the time) but at least I'm not left wondering what he thinks about what I say. And he'll probably never know how much it means to me that when we had the WOD to run 2 miles and he ran that last 800 with me the things he said to me about breathing, how long to run for and how long to walk really stuck with me just as his pushing me to keep going. Just having that conversation going through my head during this run was like having him there running with me and it kept me going. And when I wanted to give up I just put his words back in my head and kept going. Sometimes the little things that people do can make the biggest impact.
My time ended up being 56:56
I wanted 55 minutes. I know I should be happy about that time since my first one was over an hour but I'm not. I am proud of myself for doing the run and finishing it. Just not the time. I feel like in 5 months at doing CrossFit I should have been able to make that in 55 minutes. I slowed down to a walk too many times and for too long. I don't feel like I pushed myself hard enough. I let the emotional baggage get the best of me too many times out there on that path. And all my emotions came out last night on my way home. So glad I was by myself when it did.
I will do another one but not anytime soon.
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