Time to Relinquish Control

I have no desire to relive the last 48 hours of my life ever again.  No do overs for me.  I have been broken down into a million tiny pieces and I really didn't know how I would ever figure out how to put myself back together again.  I tried to work on figuring that out Friday night but never quite got there.  So, Saturday afternoon I called a friend and we met up and I cried my heart out.  I just needed to vent out everything I was feeling from the anger, hatred, fears and then back to the laughter and happiness in all those tears that kept pouring out of me.  If that's what the coach wanted to have happen then he more than succeeded.  I had no idea Friday night which way I was going.  Everytime I would go to think about everything discussed I was in tears.  I got to a point I just didn't want to move. 

As we talked and I got everything out something just clicked and I found myself finding that inner strength to move forward and fight this battle.  I knew if I gave up I would regret it and always look back wishing I hadn't.  I now want to fight and win this battle over the weight.  I know it's going to be hard but I really do want to get healthy and reach my goals. 

The trainer wants my goals out there for everyone to know.  Scares the hell out of me to be that vulnerable.  That's like letting all my insecurities out there for everyone to know. 

So today I spent a lot of time thinking about everything we discussed on Friday.  Nothing I have done has ever worked over 20lbs of weight loss and at the most 6 months.  I'm at the 6 month mark.  Do I want this?  YES!!!  How bad do I want this?  Since nothing I have ever done has really done anything for me except keep me on this merry go round of trying to lost weight I have to make some changes. 

With that being said I have to relinquish control of what I eat and follow the rules of the trainer.  I have to quit looking everywhere for other answers to my questions only to get conflicting responses.  I walked into that gym 6 months ago wanting this lifestyle change and to get healthy by losing this weight.  I put my trust in the trainers for the WOD's now it's time to put my trust and faith in my trainer and his nutrition plan.  I have to do this his way if I want the results.  It's hard to give someone else that kind of control but I clearly haven't made any progress on my own.  So it's time!