Struggles and Emotions

Lately, I've really been struggling with keeping my emotions in tact.  Every time I start thinking about conquering this weight battle and then throw all those things I'm unable to do in the WOD's I just fall apart. 

I know by my clothes I'm not losing any weight.  I just don't understand what I can do to get over this plateau.  Even my cheats aren't that bad.  I could understand a little more if I was out eating every sweet thing around.  But I don't.  I watch my carbs and think I do pretty darn good at it.  I'm even eating more meat and eggs for protein and that's a struggle but I'm willing to try it and doing it to see if it helps along with the fact that I've cut back almost a gallon and a half of milk a week.  I'm down to a gallon and 16oz. of milk a week.  I think that's pretty darn good too.  It's halfway thru the month and I just know I haven't lost anything.  My clothes aren't as loose as they once were especially my jeans.  I know people say don't pay attention to the number on the scale but that's easier said than done.  I have the same stresses in my life as I did the first day I walked into the gym.  The only difference is I'm trying harder each month and day to accomplish my goals.  That should be a good thing. 

I go to the gym 5-6 times a week and fight all those emotions of I'm unable to do a lot of the exercises that are posted on the board for the WOD.  But I still go in there and try.  I don't know if/when I'll ever learn those lifts but I know I want to.  I want to figure them out and make my hips and legs move the way they should.  I want to go faster but lately my body just stops.  I feel like someone has added an extra 100lbs. to me especially when I try to do the burpees.  I don't know how to explain it but I literally feel like more weight gets placed on me.  It's that way with push ups  and sit ups too.  They didn't use to be that hard.  So I don't understand why they're harder.  I have lost around 40lbs. so I would think some things would get a little easier.  I go in with goals set for a time or rounds that I want to do but then I'm told not to.  Problem is that's motivation for me.  And if I get to a certain number of rounds that I have in my head that doesn't mean I stop or slow down once I get to it.  Rather it means if I get to that number I start wanting to do more.

I don't have any desire to beat anybody's time but my own.  I've gotten a little better at acknowledging my accomplishments and improvements I've made but I won't ever be just blatantly out there about all of them.  I have had 2 WOD's these past 2 Saturday's that I've improved my time on and that does make me feel good but there are so many more WOD's I would love to do better on if not all of them. 

My worst fear right now is falling apart at the gym.  I don't want these emotions to come out there.  I've come close by shutting down and it's been noticed and I have to watch myself even more because when it gets pointed out I just want to walk out.  So far, I've been fortunate enough to get in my car and headed home before the emotions overcome me.  I wish I had nerves of steel but I don't.  I just want to feel like I am getting closer to my goals.  And I hope finally writing out how I'm feeling prevents any meltdowns at the gym!